Living with pancreatic cancer causes a lot of waiting.
Honestly – I guess the party’s over too!
I’ve had a wonderful 9 months of weddings, travel, family and friends. And PLANS!!! I could make actual PLANS!
The ct scans have shown slow and steady growth during my break in treatment. Now, the tumors are large enough to begin chemo again. Right away.
Change ~ that’s the hardest part. I really enjoyed my status quo. I liked feeling pretty normal. I did feel uncomfortable without treatment, just letting the cancer grow. But it was easier to pretend everything was okay because my world was so normal.
Honestly – I hate not being able to pretend anymore!
Another shift – change – my trusted doctor has begun a “retirement – phase – out” so I was scheduled with a new doctor with the option to return to the old doctor until he actually retired. I like this new doctor and his assertive approach to my treatment; presenting several options. He’s super knowledgeable; he studied me ~ my history. I have been haunted by the question of getting a second opinion. Now, I have one and I feel returning to treatment will be charged with new energy.
Honestly – I hate treatment! It’s gives me just half a life.
I am returning to my first chemo combination with a change in the schedule, spreading it out, and a significant reduction in the amount of the evil drug that caused a drug reaction. It really worked well the few months I was on it. Tumors shrank and tumor marker numbers fell dramatically. I hope it will do that again.
Usually you meet with a nurse before you begin to review the side effects of the chemotherapy, so you can be prepared. I remember these drugs caused terrible side effects. My new doctor asked if I wanted to meet with a nurse to review again. It’s been two years. I probably forgot a lot of the side effects ~ fortunately.
Honestly – I told him…no, I’d rather be surprised.