I’m Still Standing Again

Surviving Pancreatic Cancer for 3 years!

Each year I have an “I’m Still Standing” Party to mark my anniversary. This is my third year! Unbelievable to me. As with everything this year, COVID has altered the plan. There cannot be an in-person party. 

Instead, I want an Imaginary I’m Still Standing Anniversary Party.

  • Not a virtual party! 
  • Not a drive-by party! 
  • A real imagined party.

With my imagined party I can invite everyone I know and there will still be room in my house. I can invite all the family members and friends who live too far away to join in an actual party and we can all imagine them being there. My party has always been a thank you to all the people who have gone out of their way to support me in my quest to live, and now I can thank even more people. There are those in my far-away “fan club” who send cards, text, and call to check in to make sure I’m okay. There are those people who have done quiet, secret acts of kindness, like my neighbor who decorated her backyard for me to enjoy from my kitchen window. I’ve even made new friends this past year. Pastor Tim’s Mom, (we inherited my dog Riley from Tim after his sudden death) Ida, is almost 90 and lives in Florida. She has called every month to check in; it would be wonderful for her to join in the party.

With my imagined party, I can place an imaginary order of all the best food in town and everyone can imagine eating all their favorite foods. No one has to bring anything. Everyone can drink champagne and not worry about drinking in the afternoon. (I actually never felt bad about an afternoon glass of wine, but I believe I read somewhere that people worry about that!). Since I’ve had my new stent placed in my duodenum (now there’s a new body part to learn!), I have been on a strict diet of eating– no nuts, no fresh veggies or fruits, no meats unless they are “fork-tender”, low fat, nothing fried, no Christmas treats. In other words, if it’s good– I can’t eat it! My dog has an extremely allergic response to food and her specialized diet of prescription dog food, rice, and baby-food chicken that I created is starting to look pretty good to me. At my party, I will eat everything!

With my imagined party, no one is at risk to catch COVID. No masks needed. No social distancing. Everyone I know is rather exhausted from the COVID stress. There will be no judging of the decisions other people make– everyone will just be safe. At my party, the exhaustion will disappear and everyone will feel well. I never know from one moment to the next how I will feel. In the past I was the Planning Queen and now plans actually make me nervous because I can feel well one minute and miserable the next. With all the musicians who have struggled with a fentanyl addiction, I am quite surprised I don’t break into song and dance on occasion. At my imagined party we will all be dancing and singing!

You are all invited to my Imaginary I’m Still Standing 3rd Anniversary Party.

  • Date: January 1, 2021
  • Time: Whenever you can join us
  • RSVP – Not necessary, because I can just imagine that you are here!

Published by

kbraier

This is my blog about living my life with Stage 4 Pancreatic Cancer—End stage. I joked about writing this imaginary blog when I spent a year on a treatment that allowed me only 10 days to feel well enough to live a fairly normal life. (Actually normal doesn’t even really exist for me anymore!) To earn those good days, I spent the previous 10 days living in post-chemo treatment physical hell – that also became normal in a perverse way. I’m also writing to honor those who are diagnosed with Stage Four Pancreatic Cancer. You might live longer than you expect and I want you to have someone who tells you what that’s like. There aren’t many role models for people with this because, well, they’re usually gone. So, this is for you. Maybe your journey will be similar to mine. Actually, it will probably be very different because “everyone is different.” Even still, maybe this will still be a bit of a guide.

15 thoughts on “I’m Still Standing Again”

  1. Kathy- I love, love, love this idea. I was smiling the whole time I was reading your post. Count me in on attending your imaginary party!
    Thanks for the invite,
    Love,
    Sally

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  2. What a beautiful idea! I can’t wait to be there. I look forward to catching up, meeting your precious granddaughter, and hearing your contagious laugh. Thanks for the invite. Love, Molly

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  3. Thank you for the invite- count me in for the imaginary I’m still standing party…I wouldn’t miss it! At your party, you too can have all the good that you so enjoy. Celebrate this special occasion. Love you 😘

    Love, Leslie

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  5. As you can IMAGINE Kathy, I’ll be there with Christmas bells on! Wouldn’t miss an opportunity to be with you and those you love (and who live you right back)! Here’s to January 1st! Sending hugs and loads of love. Thanks for inviting me!

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  6. What a fun idea! I’ll have to make sure my imagination is up for this event! By the way, I was definitely not the person who told you “day drinking” is not good.🥰. On Jan 1st, I will be toasting you, Kathy! Not only are you “still standing”, you continue to live your life to the fullest, even after 3 challenging years. Here’s to more walks and talks together!

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  7. I wouldn’t miss this imaginary event! I imagine us sipping on a very cold glass of dry white wine as you introduce me to your Tosa friends! Oh, and I get to meet Nikki too. Let’s not forget celebrating your huge accomplishments these past three years which have proved what a strong and positive you are. You are my hero!

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  8. You amaze me and inspire me as you have from the day we met many years ago. You have taught me many things over the years during some wonderful conversations and beverages! I can’t wait to join in on your imaginary 3 years and still standing party. I hope to be invited to your 4 years and still standing party too❤️!

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  9. That was the most beautiful piece of written word.
    I laughed and I wept. I love you Kathy.
    I will be with you at your imaginary party!
    Huge hugs~

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  10. Absolutely, we will be there!! Fantastic idea and fun description. I want to know some of your favorite foods so I can fully imagine bringing them!😘😘

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  11. PARTY!!! I am so in and excited to celebrate. I understand the meaning to celebrating a day, month and year. I celebrate too. Count me in as we imagine together. I love you.

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  12. What a super idea! Avery and I will definitely be attending this delightful imaginary party so be sure to look for us (or imagine us!) standing next to all the best foods we all could ever imagine and looking forward to seeing you and clinking glasses of wine with you and Bill! You are amazing and we celebrate YOU as we all say goodbye to this crazy past year of 2020! Happy New Year Kathy! Sending beams of love! ❤️

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  14. Oh wow! that is such a wonderful idea! Count me in! Imagine me and David and our dog Diggy ringing in the New Year with you. Lots of hugs, hugs, hugs. You are an amazing women! I will be bringing the tastiest appetizers that you will love!!

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